What is it to be non negotiable? When we choose to say no and remain true to ourselves, that is non negotiable. When we choose to put good food in our bodies, that is non negotiable. When we choose to relax and go outside and breathe the air, that is non negotiable. When we choose to be financially responsible, that is non negotiable. When we choose to be a good steward of life, that is non negotiable. These are all examples of behaviors we can choose to be non negotiable.
When you combine the clarity of ones vision, the courage of ones convictions and are able to express that through choices in behavior, you are non negotiable. Every time you decide to accomplish something and you choose to compromise, you are compromising yourself. Each time this happens and you end up compromising your conviction, it ultimately chips away at your self esteem. Until one day you wonder what happened to your non negotiable life. Am I living a life created by someone else? Clearly you were the one that made the choice, but you decided to compromise and choose a life someone else had designed.
I am not saying that is must always be about you. On the contrary, everything is a choice. When you are in a marriage, there are choices and always compromise. I always go back to someone that travels all the time. You know they travel all the time and it is just the way it is. Is it fare to guilt them into wanting to be with you every second? OMG, that thought just makes me want to run and hide. For the first time in my whole adult life I have a man that I love and adore and have been with for almost 3 years now. What makes him so special is he is 100% secure in who he is and I am 100% secure in who I am, and goodness what a difference in the level of freedom. Mind you we do not live in the same city and I feel 100% secure that once we do it will still be just fine. The dynamics will change a bit, but there has been enough time for me to adjust to the most amazing way of life I have never known.
When we first met he said to me “Babe, you do you, and I will do me, and we will figure out us.” Wait what? I was sold and on board 100%! Never in my adult life had I ever had a man say those words to me. The men I chose previously, I always heard, I want you, be with me, lets be together and smother each other till we cannot breathe ever again and I will do my best to suck every last ounce of non negotiable life out of you I possibly can.
I am free to be me in every sense. I am that person that cannot feel contained or stifled in anyway. It is not safe for me because I choose to relinquish my sense of self. I know now as I live and breathe, I am 100% my own go to person and that is the most liberating feeling ever. I am a strong, amazing, kind, loving, generous woman that will do anything for my friends and family, however, you mess with my money and I will rip your head off. I AM THAT NON NEGOTIABLE WOMAN!
I have always felt like I needed a go to person and had a overwhelming fear of abandonment, duh, my mother died at the age of 9 months. It took my whole entire life to completely fall apart for me to learn, I am my own go to person and that is non negotiable. Little did I know, the universe had continually been trying to teach me this lesson all my life. What I know for sure, the lesson will keep appearing until your life falls completely apart and you are forced to listen! I remember saying out loud numerous times, I get it now, thank you for the lesson!
For me relinquishing my own sense of self has always been a slippery slope. For those of us that are natural born care givers, we choose to constantly give and give until there may be nothing left. As mothers, we do for our children constantly until one day they are grown and don’t need us and it is NOW time to redefine our lives. For some, it is easy and for others it is very difficult as they have defined their role in life as that of a mother. Regardless, at some point in our lives, we all will put our shoes, grab the beautiful knob of the new antique door in front of us, turn it ever so sheepishly as we don’t know what is on the other side, as the door opens, slowly put one foot in front of the other and walk through. As we turn to close the door, we will reflect on years that have passed, smile, and close the beautiful door forever only to turn around and see the sign in front flashing welcome to your non negotiable life part two!
I had lost who I was for many years and regressed into this person I really did not know and or really like that much. Not that I have anything against relationships or marriage, but for me the men I have chosen I have relinquished my non negotiable part of me far too easily. When my son said to me after my second marriage had ended and I was in the process of reclaiming myself, “I have my bad ass mom back!” I really had to step back and analyze that phrase.
What did he mean? Was I not that bad ass mom still? What I know for sure, is my two son’s say what they think in a kind loving get your ass moving kinda way! Hmm, who did they learn that from? Clearly I had lost myself completely and through much severe pain and heart ache I now realize what I had done to myself. I mean no disrespect to the men I have ever been in any form of relationship with. These men were all put in my life to teach me my greatest life lesson of all. MY NEEDS,THOUGHTS, DESIRES, AND DREAMS ARE NON NEGOTIABLE. As I write this and you read this, I will for the rest of my life, lead a life that is non negotiable!~Shirene