Stay calm and pretend this is just part of the lesson plan...........

That was the phrase that just popped up on my Instagram this morning first thing. It really got me thinking about always staying calm in the wake of adversity and being able to recognize we are all humans just having a human experience.

Yesterday I discovered a soar on the side of my breast and where did you immediately think my mind went? You got it! The C word. This especially hit close to home as a friend just passed a few days ago from her second bought of breast cancer that she discovered from a soar on her breast. When I first noticed it I said out loud, this will be fine. But we are all just humans having a human experience at any moment during our day. It is important to recognize that what we feel is connected to our past and how those feelings project into fear and anxiety and how fast it can take over our thoughts.

So what I was feeling was all related to friends and family that have experienced the C word. We at any given moment of the day are presented with choices and all play a staring role in our own lives. When we say no to fear and criticism, decision is the first step to choosing new thoughts and thus controlling them is imperative to our lives.

Do you know the absolute only thing we have control over is our thoughts? Our thoughts are like a file cabinet. Think about it, when we are presented with an experience, I had a soar on my breast, I chose to open the thought file labeled Cancer. With the file open, out pops the information (the thoughts) of experience, what happened to my friend and then the attachment of feelings come. She left behind two sons, I have two sons, how they must feel, how sad and on and on. Of course, the tears started and the show What About, staring Cancer just started playing in my head.

What about the C word, what about my two sons, what about my friend that left her two sons, what about money, what about my hair, what about my breasts. Let me tell you that show was the most popular show most of my life in my head. It was a great show, it keep me literally on the edge of my seat most of the time. What was going to happen next? How was it going to end. Will there be other participants in my show? These were all as real as I am.

Oh the anxiety and fear, not to mention the worry and drama! Then one day my sons said something like this to me……or this is what I chose to hear them say……….”Mom, why are you thinking about this? It is something you cannot change and yes it is said by think about something else that makes you happy. If you cannot change it, why think about it?” Seriously? They are the smartest and best humans I know, and I raised them! How blessed am I . So, here I am years later and hearing their voices.

I know I needed to turn off the What About show in my mind, but I was there, I was on stage watching it all unfold. I needed my friend, I called her and said I needed to leave the show, but needed guidance and strength. She gave me the words i needed to run off stage and back to my calm amazing life. I knew with all my training what I needed to do, but it is OK to just be human having a human experience and that was what I was doing.

I am fine and feel blessed. I went to urgent care right away and have a mammogram scheduled in the next couple days. It was nothing more than a skin infection, how blessed i feel. But imagine all the time I would have spent worrying and how very unnecessary that would have been. Think of all the moments we loose with worry and anxiety of the unknown. With thoughts, come chances and can ultimately bring some form of change. We all have the ability to rewrite the direction of our lives and can make choices to do so at any given moment.

The lesson in this is just breathe, recognize there is nothing that we can do to change the situation, breathe, and when the commercial for The What About show starts, turn the channel. Stay calm in every situation and pretend this is just part of the lesson plan!~Shirene

Happiness and Kindness are sisters.

When you smile at a random stranger how do you feel? When you pay for the person in line behind you at the drive through, how do you feel? When you send a random text message to a friend, how does it make you feel? These are all acts of kindness that increase our happiness.

According to a study at Dartmouth college, Kindness increases the love hormone, energy, happiness, lifespan, pleasure, and serotonin. Kindness decreases Pain, Stress, Anxiety, Depression and Blood Pressure.

When you witness or perform acts of kindness, it produces oxytocin. Which increases self esteen and optimism, which is especially helpful in social situations. Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation and complimented a complete stranger? This one act of kindness can releive anxiety and boost your confidence in an uncomfortable situation.

More than half the people in the happiness study stated they feel more energetic after any act of kindness. They also reported feeling less depressed and calm with increased feelings of confidence. Pay attention to how you feel the next time you just smile at someone!

People that have a sense of gratitude either emotionally or financially were happier overall. Try paying for the person in line at the drive through the next time and see how you feel.

Try volunteering your time on a consistent basis and one of the side effects is overall health. People 55 or older that volunteer for two or more organizations have a 44% higher rate of life extension. That is after deducting every contributing factor like physical health, exercise, gender, habits like drinking and smoking, marital status and many others. Volunteering has a stronger effect on the physical and emotional than exercising 4 times per week or going to church.

When you are kind to another person, according to research at Emory University, your brains pleasure reward center lights up. This is known as the “Helpers High.”

Want to sleep better? Get out your phone or computer and send a random kind text message or email to someone. This will increase production of serotonin which is the feel good chemical in our brains. Try it!

The next time you have physical pain, send a note to someone thanking them for a kindness. I did this everyday after my reconstructive knee surgery and it made me so much better. When we are engaging in acts of kindness, it produces endorphins in the brain that is a natural pain killer.

People that are continuously kind and volunteer have an astounding 23% less cortisol, (the stress hormone) and age slower than others. The next time you are at the market, pick up some flowers for your significant other, or the neighbor and just leave on their door step.

According to a University of British Columbia study, people that performed 6 acts of kindness per week for a month had a significant decrease in anxiety. The same individuals also had happier consistent moods and a decrease in social avoidance.

If you really wish to have a consistent level of happiness, kindness is the key!~Shirene

Another Super MEro Sunday!

This week we feature a Bad Ass young woman that started a foundation to provide necessities to the homeless. Khloe Thompson started her nonprofit organization at the age of 8 years old. She noticed homeless people in the community and wanted to do something to help and make their lives better.

She started her giving mission at a young age. In Kindergarten she started giving away her lunch to anyone that did not have lunch or snacks. She recounts one day in the 4th grade she was on her way to school and kept seeing a lady who was homeless. She clearly wanted to do something to help the woman. The woman’s name was Michelle and she just felt as though she needed to do something to make her life better.

Khloe is amazing with all she has created to give back to her community. We follow her on Instagram @KhloeKares, and everyday she is traveling speaking about her passion and what she is doing in the world. She makes these amazing bags Khloe bags, and fills them with supplies like soap, toothpaste, toothbrushes, socks, and snacks. She and her family are blessed to receive donations or they purchase the items out of their own pocket! Either way, what she is doing in the world is truly spectacular. Thank you!

“Don’t think about money or what you don’t have, think about what you do have.” Her family spends their time and money to help the homeless community because the more you give the more you receive. She is very aware that she is making an impact in her community and perhaps it will inspire other children to volunteer and give back.

Thank you Miss Khloe for harnessing your inner super power of Kindness, believing in the power of one, and emerging as a Super Mero! We are so happy and grateful for you and the work you are doing in the world and your community!~Shirene #Khloekares #SuperMero2day

It is all about Mindset!

It is all about mindset from the moment you wake up, to the moment you rest your head at night. Everything is up to you! We all have a story that shapes who and what we are.

Everything we do is a choice and thoughts are the only thing we have 100% control over. As children, we are taught to think and make decisions, but as we grow we are taught to simply follow and accept what is. Think about the first words children learn? Other than mother and father, the word is NO!

“No you cannot do this, and No you cannot have that, and No you cannot eat that.” Clearly children need to learn boundaries, but seriously? When my boys were young, I removed the words Cant, try, and maybe from our vocabulary. It was imperative, they grow up believing in the power of themselves and there was and is nothing that they cannot do!

Getting what you want our of life is as simple as believing you already have something it is that you want. When you write that something down and read it several times when you wake up and before you go to sleep.

Think about what you want, what do you really want? Do you know more people think more about designing a two week vacation than they do about their life and what they really want. We only have one life in this body, it is not a rehearsal. Think about what you want, think about the words you repeatedly tell yourself, and remember, it is all about your mindset!~Shirene

Another Super MEro Sunday!

This Sunday we focus on and engineering legend. This man embraced adversity and turned it into a win win for everyone. While in the Army, Rory Cooper was hit by a bus in Germany at the age of 20. The accident changed his life forever and he became an inventor, engineer, and a bronze medalist. After his accident the doctors told him he would have perhaps a 10 year lifespan. Wait, what?

Rory was forever lead down the path to become the worlds leading expert in human mobility and a strong advocate for veterans and the disabled. I think we can agree, the world is not designed for individuals with mobility and disability issues.

He is credited with developing a sports wheelchair extremely light and easy to manage. His first wheelchair was over 80 pounds and very uneasy to manage. So he set out to redesign a lighter more efficient chair for those that enjoyed sports and wanted to continue to be a huge part of society.

Thank you Rory Cooper for embracing your inner Super MEro and making an adversity a win win for everyone!~Shirene #rorycooper

Ask yourself, "What do I want?"

Ever put your hand on your heart and asked yourself, what do I want? Literally, you ask that question out loud with your hand over your heart, close your eyes, breathe, and listen. The first thought in your head, is what you want. Try this the next time you are conflicted about something. You will be astounded at what you receive!

I learned this a few years back and it has not lead me a stray yet. This is yet another lesson in the search to pay attention to our own inner guidance. Truly, our lives are always speaking to us. I have said this before and will say it again, everything is energy and physics! If you are happy, that is what you get. If you are sad, that is what you get.

Today, I woke up feeling very sad and I put my hand on my heart and said out loud, what do I want? Instantly, I got an image of my father and my inner voice said wear his watch today. I went immediately to my watch collection and grabbed the watch he wore everyday till the day he passed. Over my hand and slung onto my left wrist the time piece went. As I write these words he is with me on my wrist aiding in the formulation of the words on this page.

Needless to say, my sadness has turned into happiness and a sense of adoration for the most wonderful man I have ever known in my life and his loved possession. I cannot wait to see what the next “What do I want?” brings me!~Shirene

What is the only thing in our lives we have complete #CONTROL over?

“The key to every man is his thought.  Sturdy and defiant though he look he has a helm which obeys, which is the idea after which all his facts are classified.  He can only be reformed by showing him a new idea which commands his own-“ Emerson

Thought is the only thing we have complete control over in our lives. The thoughts we have control our decision making process.

To think different thoughts, we must first, change our thoughts.  Do not overthink the previous statement.  Just accept that change is the ultimate goal in thinking new thoughts and is the hardest work we will ever do.  It is easy to look and accept appearances for what they are.  To simply accept the fact one is broke, or one is not worthy of love, this is easy.  But to see yourself living in the house, driving the car and living a life of abundance while surrounded in debt is true work.  It can be done.  It takes daily and sometimes hourly focus in the beginning.  But it can be done. 

Thinking is a learned skill.  We are not taught to think, we are taught to just accept everything around us.  Just accept your current reality for what it is.  That is NOT thinking.  If we accept circumstances for what they are, then comfort becomes the norm.  Comfort breeds complacency and nothing ever changed from complacency.  It is so easy to become comfortable with mediocrity.  See yourself as the exception.  Everyone around you is struggling, but you.  This is not arrogance, but a quiet confidence.

Would we have cars, if Henry Ford would have just accepted the horse and buggy as a standard mode of transportation?  Where would society be if Martin Luther King would have accepted his reality for fact?  Do NOT simply accept your surroundings for what they are.  Live in the mindset that whatever it is you want, it is already happening around you.  I have ALWAYS wanted to be the change I want in the world!  I love this phrase…….”be the person you needed when you were a child!”

As a young child, I was constantly bullied because I was not like the other children.  When I was 11 years old, I was 5’11 and wore a size 11 shoe.  I looked like I was 25 at 11.  I was an easy target as I continually tried to be nice to everyone.  I remember, one day on the bus ride home, one of the mean girls, was sitting behind me on the bus and tapping my head with a hair brush.  I had had all I could take of her and the brush and took my right hand, swung it behind me, hitting her so hard, her head hit the side of the bus.  The whole bus was quiet!  After that, I was left alone.  And, here we are, I am that person I needed when I was a child, I am kind, always seeing the best in everyone and always encouraging those around me to be the best they can be!

The world is ruled by habit.  It is what we constantly think that makes us who we are, NOT the environment or circumstance.  Read that again!  Once we can harness a new mental picture of ourselves, game on!  Our new life is on its way!

The phrases we repeatedly hear become convictions, and the thoughts we repeatedly think become habitual.  These phrases and thoughts make us what we are.  Repetition is the key to any change.  Write what you desire most, feel it, experience it, and live it in your mind.  It is imperative you Read this desire in the morning upon waking, and at night before closing your eyes.  It is also important to point out, that you must unplug from social media at least one hour before closing your eyes and refrain for one hour after waking. If you are committed to changing your thoughts, this exercise in turning off all forms of media is a must.  If you are not able to commit to turning off media for 2 hours per day, you are not committed to changing your thoughts.  You can simply put the book down and move on to something else.

Today, do something #RANDOM!

The question on this beautiful Monday is………what was the last thing you did that was random? If you need to think about, perhaps I might suggest changing things up a bit. Random is such a beautiful word and everything it represents.

When we choose something without a method or absence of a conscious decision, how does that make you feel? Just the thought of doing this, is it at all anxiety provoking? Does the idea of doing something random make you wonder with anticipation? Granted, not everyone enjoys spontaneity or feeling kind of out of control.

Keep in mind I am not advocating living completely in a random world. Clearly it is important to have certain behaviors as a routine and or traditions. Having a spiritual routine, a beginning of the day routine and end of the day routine is also important. Children function and thrive much better in a reasonable routine environment. I remember my children always like to know what the plan for the day was. When I deviated from said plan, sometimes it was not good. I would routinely hear….”this was not part of our plan.”

I recently got a special card from my oldest son with a stack of sticky notes, one for each day of the week over the course of 7 days. One of them was today listen to a random playlist. Done! Another day was drive a different direction, random. Try this with yourself or with a friend or family member. It is so much fun as it facilitates thinking outside the box.

So today, do something random!~Shirene

Another Super Mero Sunday!

I really enjoy featuring Super Mero’s that are children being kind and giving to other children, This weeks Super Mero (Me + Hero= Mero) is eighth grader Chase Neyland-Square. This 13 year old from Louisiana has created a clothes and supplies closet, PAMS pantry, in his middle school for students to ensure they have what they need for this school year.

Families throughout their community are able to take clothes, hygiene products, shoes, and supplies from the closet at anytime with no questions. This clothes closet Chase started began from the schools SPARK (Student Program for Arts, Recreation, and Knowledge program.) Students discuss ideas for new programs to implement, this was an idea Chase had.

What a kind young man he is that thinks of others and their well being. Chase has truly harnessed at such a young age, the ability to give of his time and talent to others. You Chase Neyland-Square embody all it is to be a true Super Mero and the best version of yourself for yourself and for others! Thank you!~Shirene

Are you #NON-NEGOTIABLE?

What is it to be non negotiable? When we choose to say no and remain true to ourselves, that is non negotiable. When we choose to put good food in our bodies, that is non negotiable. When we choose to relax and go outside and breathe the air, that is non negotiable. When we choose to be financially responsible, that is non negotiable. When we choose to be a good steward of life, that is non negotiable. These are all examples of behaviors we can choose to be non negotiable.

When you combine the clarity of ones vision, the courage of ones convictions and are able to express that through choices in behavior, you are non negotiable. Every time you decide to accomplish something and you choose to compromise, you are compromising yourself. Each time this happens and you end up compromising your conviction, it ultimately chips away at your self esteem. Until one day you wonder what happened to your non negotiable life. Am I living a life created by someone else? Clearly you were the one that made the choice, but you decided to compromise and choose a life someone else had designed.

I am not saying that is must always be about you. On the contrary, everything is a choice. When you are in a marriage, there are choices and always compromise. I always go back to someone that travels all the time. You know they travel all the time and it is just the way it is. Is it fare to guilt them into wanting to be with you every second? OMG, that thought just makes me want to run and hide. For the first time in my whole adult life I have a man that I love and adore and have been with for almost 3 years now. What makes him so special is he is 100% secure in who he is and I am 100% secure in who I am, and goodness what a difference in the level of freedom. Mind you we do not live in the same city and I feel 100% secure that once we do it will still be just fine. The dynamics will change a bit, but there has been enough time for me to adjust to the most amazing way of life I have never known.

When we first met he said to me “Babe, you do you, and I will do me, and we will figure out us.” Wait what? I was sold and on board 100%! Never in my adult life had I ever had a man say those words to me. The men I chose previously, I always heard, I want you, be with me, lets be together and smother each other till we cannot breathe ever again and I will do my best to suck every last ounce of non negotiable life out of you I possibly can.

I am free to be me in every sense. I am that person that cannot feel contained or stifled in anyway. It is not safe for me because I choose to relinquish my sense of self. I know now as I live and breathe, I am 100% my own go to person and that is the most liberating feeling ever. I am a strong, amazing, kind, loving, generous woman that will do anything for my friends and family, however, you mess with my money and I will rip your head off. I AM THAT NON NEGOTIABLE WOMAN!

I have always felt like I needed a go to person and had a overwhelming fear of abandonment, duh, my mother died at the age of 9 months. It took my whole entire life to completely fall apart for me to learn, I am my own go to person and that is non negotiable. Little did I know, the universe had continually been trying to teach me this lesson all my life. What I know for sure, the lesson will keep appearing until your life falls completely apart and you are forced to listen! I remember saying out loud numerous times, I get it now, thank you for the lesson!

For me relinquishing my own sense of self has always been a slippery slope. For those of us that are natural born care givers, we choose to constantly give and give until there may be nothing left. As mothers, we do for our children constantly until one day they are grown and don’t need us and it is NOW time to redefine our lives. For some, it is easy and for others it is very difficult as they have defined their role in life as that of a mother. Regardless, at some point in our lives, we all will put our shoes, grab the beautiful knob of the new antique door in front of us, turn it ever so sheepishly as we don’t know what is on the other side, as the door opens, slowly put one foot in front of the other and walk through. As we turn to close the door, we will reflect on years that have passed, smile, and close the beautiful door forever only to turn around and see the sign in front flashing welcome to your non negotiable life part two!

I had lost who I was for many years and regressed into this person I really did not know and or really like that much. Not that I have anything against relationships or marriage, but for me the men I have chosen I have relinquished my non negotiable part of me far too easily. When my son said to me after my second marriage had ended and I was in the process of reclaiming myself, “I have my bad ass mom back!” I really had to step back and analyze that phrase.

What did he mean? Was I not that bad ass mom still? What I know for sure, is my two son’s say what they think in a kind loving get your ass moving kinda way! Hmm, who did they learn that from? Clearly I had lost myself completely and through much severe pain and heart ache I now realize what I had done to myself. I mean no disrespect to the men I have ever been in any form of relationship with. These men were all put in my life to teach me my greatest life lesson of all. MY NEEDS,THOUGHTS, DESIRES, AND DREAMS ARE NON NEGOTIABLE. As I write this and you read this, I will for the rest of my life, lead a life that is non negotiable!~Shirene